This Makes Me Fucking Sick

1 Jul



Is why feminists aren’t respected. They take shit too fucking far.


Women wouldn’t have eaten that novel up so much if they were offended or felt disrespected by it.



IT IS IN OUR GENETIC MAKEUP TO BE TURNED ON BY DOMINANT MEN. Anyone who isn’t… is fighting losing battle.

Fake disgust all you want. You aren’t fooling me.


Amercrombie Only Likes Hot People

8 May

Read ^ Then Read v

You know what? Good for him. Good for him for owning up to this. He admits it with no shame, and I appreciate that. It’s the owner’s choice to sell to whoever he wants and to stock whatever product he wants, and I don’t care if people feel discriminated against. I hate that people just find anything and everything to get upset about these days.

At the mall one time, I went in Torrid (plus size store) because I saw a shirt in the window I really loved. They didn’t have it in my size — They only stocked size 8 and up. This isn’t a war against fat people, it goes both ways, and you know what? They’re just clothes!

Plus-sized stores aren’t discriminating against skinny people — and if they are, nobody seems to care. Getting upset at Abercrombie for not carrying a size 14 is just dumb. Shop somewhere else. Or better yet, if you really want to fit into the sizes Abercrombie does offer — Make a lifestyle change.

“I Did Lose Half a Pound, Though…”

23 Apr

Shit like this makes me crazy.

I was listening to two coworkers (one my age, one late 30s/early 40s) talking this morning. The younger one says to the older one “I had a kale smoothie this morning” and they go on to talk about how kale is yucky but the smoothie tasted good because it had mango and banana and other sweet stuff in it blah blah blah.

Then they go into a conversation about how hard it is to find time to work out and how hard it is to eat healthy*, etc. And then the best part happened. Older said to younger “I did lose half a pound though, eating better and Zumba… Go me!”


You do not lose half a pound by eating Lean Cuisine for lunch EVERY DAY, barely drinking water, and going to Zumba once a month. You don’t lose half a pound by drinking a  daily double brew of hot cocoa from the Kurig, or from complaining about how irresistible cupcakes are and then eating them anyway.

You can however, lose half a pound after your morning pee. You can lose a whole pound if you take a big poop! Daily water and food intake can weigh up to 4 pounds! Christ! My weight fluctuates by up to 3 pounds EVERY NIGHT. PM weigh in — 130lbs. AM weight in — 128lbs. This happens to me almost every night.

My point is, you’re pathetic and sad if you’re counting half a pound as progress. Half a pound is nothing. It literally means nothing. Try as you might to convince yourself that every step you take on the way to the fridge is burning calories, you still won’t lose the weight. You have to actually make an effort. 


*Want to eat healthy? Only buy healthy foods, then there won’t be any other option.



It’s surprisingly not that hard!

Fit vs. Fat

4 Apr

Everyone is a hypocrite.

This country has an obesity epidemic. It’s a fucking epidemic. Everyone is SO FAT and SO UNHEALTHY, yet all they keep preaching is “love yourself” and “love your body” and “god made you this way” and “be proud of who you are” and “don’t change into what society thinks you should be” and other such bullshit.

And when people try to start getting into fitness, they’re labeled shallow or superficial, or they’re being a bad role model because how dare they not love themselves just the way they are?!

It’s absolutely insane.

If your BMI is over 25 you need to change something. I don’t care. There is no excuse.

It’s disgusting how fat this country is and it’s even more disgusting that we are shamed for trying to slim down or better ourselves and praised for loving/accepting ourselves when we’re fat.


Get your ass off the couch. Start eating real food. Stop drinking liquid sugar.


I’m going to hop on the treadmill.


After 1 week of clean(er) eating and daily exercise (not even a lot, just some)... I'm down 5lbs and feel AMAZING.

After 1 week of clean(er) eating and daily exercise (not even a lot, just some)… I’m down 5lbs and feel AMAZING.

Oscar Scandal

25 Feb

Let me just preface this post by saying: I like Jennifer Lawrence. She’s kind of a loser and kind of an asshole and kind of gorgeous. Pluck her out of Hollywood and plop her into my high school and we could have been friends.

I like how she carries herself and that she isn’t turning into a snobby star. Perhaps in a few years she may act (and I may feel) differently, but we’ll see when we get there.

Herself and her team have a real knack for letting Jennifer appear human. She’s hungry on the red carpet, she doesn’t know what Haute Couture means, she’s confused in interviews, she laughs at herself, etc. She’s just like you and I! She really has the whole “adorable and humble young starlet” thing down pat.

She’s got it down so well, it makes me wonder how much of that image is embellished.

I went to bed before the big awards were given out last night. Frankly, Anne Hathaway’s speech was the lullaby. I knew BuzzFeed would catch me up first thing this morning and I was not wrong. I was expecting Jessica Chastain to take best actress, because that’s what I was told by everyone ever. So finding out it went to Jennifer came as quite a shock, and then I was even more startled when I found myself not happy for her, but a little annoyed. I might have rolled my eyes, I can’t remember.

Everyone knows she’s very “in” right now. But was it given to Jennifer because of her incredible performance, or because of outside pressure on the Academy to pick the fan favorite? I kind of like that the Oscars try to celebrate the old time-y movie staples, and I expected that to hold true last night. Regardless, Jennifer Lawrence won and hooray for her; she WAS great in that movie, and I’m sure her adorable and high-profile trip up the stairs was due to nerves and shock at receiving the award nobody thought she’d be getting.

Or was it?

Oh, the humanity!

Oh, the humanity!

My theory?

I think it was fabricated.

I think falling up the stairs at the Oscars just makes Jennifer Lawrence that much more adorable, human, and likable. Nobody thought she’d win; a lot of people don’t think she deserved it. So. I think her publicist or whoever, decided that a little trip would be endearing. “If you win,” he tells her, “just trip a little bit while going up to get the award. It’ll keep people from being mean, because they feel bad for you.” It will make a great GIF, it will keep the buzz around her buzzing, it’s a negative to balance out all the positive in her life (for the people who hate to see people succeed) without actually doing anything negative to her reputation.

Think about it. Of every woman that walked up those stairs, with all their nerves and excitement, why is Jennifer the only one that fell?

I’m on to you.

Big Hair News

9 Feb

Big news in hair? Hair news, big-time?

Whatever. Guess what?!?!





I’ve missed you so much, Herbal Essences! I’ve been dreaming of this day for years. Never has my hair smelled so clean and fresh and made people ask several times a day “What smells so good?”

I have been told by a reliable source (Facebook) that the classic formulas are back on shelves at a Wal-Mart and/or K-Mart near you.

I’ll be picking up a few months worth as soon as the roads are cleared tomorrow morning!


Yes, yes, yes!


Leave Taylor Alone!

17 Jan

Why is everybody so down on Taylor Swift lately?

Images courtesy of Google

Image courtesy of Google

I mean I totally get that her songs are “all” about breaking up and getting hurt by dudes and failed relationships and stuff.

Except wait. They’re actually like… Not. Most of her “hits” are actually uppers.

Here, check it out…

“Our Song” (2006) is literally the definition of an adorable couple song. Nobody is sad, nobody breaks up, and the boy love interest is nice to her the whole time.

“Sparks Fly” (2010) is just about the excitement of a new relationship, and how the feeling of that sticks with you and makes the rest of life’s crap not seem so bad. It’s a great feeling!

“Fifteen” (2008) is about love, but it’s more than that, too. It’s about learning as you grow what really matters in life. The song is anything but a pathetic break up song.

“We Are Never Getting Back Together” (2012) might be about breaking up, but it’s also funny and fun, and a far cry from the sad, lonely break-up songs everyone keeps talking about.

“Back to December” (2010) does happen to be about a breakup and regret. But it was HER who did the breaking up, and then realizing she made a mistake. She did the breaking up, you guys. The boy didn’t hurt her, you guys!

“Mean” (2010) is a dis to her haters and her critics. The music video pushes it further to become a cute, fun, PSA about bullying and dreaming big. No crying over a boy, here!

“Love Story” (2008) tells a Romeo and Juliette -esque story, except nobody dies and everyone ends up happy. Yeah, happy.

“Begin Again” (2012) is about a NEW relationship. Not an old one, not a failing one, nothing sad or pathetic.

And finally we’ve got “22” (2012) in which Taylor makes fun of half the people our age (including herself), sings about partying, being a hipster (hilariously sarcastic), and generally how awesome it is to be in your early 20s and enjoying all the fun shit in life.




So then I’m hearing all this crap about how the guy from One Direction says that he and Tay-Tay broke up because she wasn’t “sexual enough” for him or something. And everyone’s making jokes about her wearing mu-mus on dates with him and being too naive to shave her vagina or whatever.

And I’m just like.

Can we focus on the fact that nobody thinks it was a dick move for Harry what’s-his-face to say that shit about her in a public forum? I mean what a fucking scumbag! Or the fact that, I dunno, he’s a god damned 18 year old (kid) who thinks he’s some kind of big man that “deserves” a lot of sex? Maybe she wasn’t getting all sexual with you, Harry, because you’re a douche-bag.


And furthermore, now there’s the story going around about how Swifty asked Jennifer Lawrence (who I like, but just because she’s kind of an asshole and it reminds me of me) if she’d introduce her to Bradley Cooper. And like, then it never happened because Bradley was (apparently) totally uninterested.

People are making fun of Tay-Swif for it, making her out to be some crazed, naive, star-struck little girl, possibly hoping to date Bradley next or something? Like can we not take a second to put this in perspective? Is it not entirely plausible that Old Man Cooper was just too busy that particular day? Do we have the screen shot of J-Law’s iPhone, with a text from Coops that read “Yeahhh… no thanks, I don’t want anything to do with her. That bitch cray.”? I doubt he really reacted like that. And if he did, let’s make fun of him for being a douche-bag instead of hating on T-Dawg for being a fan.



Okay so anyway. Takeaway this.

Taylor Swift is pretty good at what she does. She’s poised, talented, charitable, funny, gorgeous… All the things everyone wishes they were.

Maybe she’s a little naive. Maybe she’s a lot.


Who cares.